one night on the terrace

across me lay an expanse of earth with trees, few and far. cold wind blew through my body as the night sky grew upon my senses. my unkempt hair flew wayward obstructing my view. squatting on my legs with my back against the wall i looked up.

a lone star lit the sky. i sat for hours wondering what it meant. was it someone looking at me? was it an omen? was that someone going to strike me down? it seemed beyond comprehension.

sure, i was aware of the scientific explanation, but that did not seem rational anymore.

i stared at it for how long, i do not remember.

it was long enough to parch my throat. i grabbed the bottle and drank.

i drank for how long, i do not remember.

as i drank more, i drank slower. it had all started with an intuition of exploring a primate’s instinct.

stars are one thing. water is something else.

the introspection drivel

and one rainy night he woke, abruptly from his sleep, to a realization, which then seemed life altering but wasn’t, that he was someone who wanted to experience everything there was.

he had never fallen off a bike, felt zero gravity, worked on an assembly line, snorted cocaine, been a bus conductor, addressed the nation, broken someones face beyond recognition, had his face broken beyond recognition.

the more he thought, the wilder his non-experiences grew. it had on this rainy night, converged on the thought that, every thing was an experience to him.

a kiss, an emotional outburst, his mother’s disappointment, his father’s approval, walking two floors to reach his classroom; all had been reduced to mere experiences.

such objectivity, he thought, had rendered every moment of his life independent of a related future consequence, which was never the case. his objectivity had a simple objective – keep it simple. his objectivity had a simple result – everything got complicated.

he presently had no solution to this.

well into the night

thinking of the day we won for animal instincts. was one of the most beautiful days of my life. that was something else truly. it’s the most beautiful feeling i’ve had. Vit Team 2. had some of the most wonderful people in that team. victory for one’s belief is a high.

i feel the low of my loss of belief today.

1-7-08