FOREWORD
It was almost two years since I sat at the back of a share-auto. It had skipped my memory how hot my bums felt over the unrelenting rumbling engine below. As my ass grew numb over the hot engine, my ears bled due to a different drone. I regret going to the movie. My regret only partly attributed to the movie itself, as there were other cosmological forces engaged in conservation.
LESSON 1 OF 2: For the sexually discriminated female
The Anti*-MCP way of life:
Tenets
1. All men are bastards
2. Everything a man says makes him a bastard
3. Refute every word a man utters until death
4. Treat men like dirt since they treat women like dirt
5. All women have a traumatic childhood, a thankless marriage and a wasted old age; hence men are bastards
6. If rule 4 or 5 do not apply to you then fuck them and straight apply Rule 1 to 3
Examples
Ex 1: The food counter attendant does not serve you first; he is MCP
Ex 2: The auto driver who sings his favourite song which happens to be an item number; he is MCP
Ex 3: The entire creative team of the song; MCP
Ex 4: Fellow movie-goers who enjoy a movie by laughing loudly; MCP
Ex 5: Random man walking on the street; MCP
(* Pronounced Ant-tie; the American way. Gives it an empowering ring.)
END OF LESSON 1 OF 2
LESSON 2 OF 2: For the select few
It is one thing to stand up for rights, which I agree are not often served on a platter to the female sex in India, but another to be an egotist, mudheaded, snobby snoot. If you are so sympathetic to the cause of female rights, then be an activist; Give shelter to women who lie with unclothed breasts on the side lanes of a developed metropolitan after getting beaten by their drunken husbands. Get their husbands behind bars. Instead, you go yap yap yap because any and every form that you fill in your life has a sex column and you grudgingly fill F. Your actions exemplify your ineptitude and lowly intelligence which is sadly clouded by your own sense of womanly self. I urge you to put your vigourous thoughts, words and actions (in that order) in perspective and not be ever ready to kick a man in his balls (which you so foolishly think is the only way out). You have not lead a tormented life by even the most absurd scales of measurement but you behave as though every male has only and only the intentions of honestly ill-treating you. Your putrid Attitude, you think, is the only key to success against this oppression; so you throw it! Seriously, men are busier. You are not doing any good for yourself or for the larger, calmer and more pleasant female population. It’s the perfect anti-thesis; you lose respect when the whole point is to gain.
END OF LESSON 2 OF 2
EPILOGUE
As my friend would put it – life is a circle. What goes around comes around.
Save your attitude for the time when it comes around.
